


Out

by Zarla



Category: Star Control
Genre: Alcohol, Coming Out, Gen, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-14
Updated: 2008-06-14
Packaged: 2017-10-06 04:32:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zarla/pseuds/Zarla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ZEX has something important to say. DAX knew his Commander was different, but he didn't think it'd be something like <i>this</i>. No wonder he was drunk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out

**Author's Note:**

> I've mentioned that idea here and there of ZEX "coming out" to DAX when they were young (I'd place this... somewhere in ZEX's late 20s/early 30s, and DAX lagging behind him some 5-10 years, to use human equivalents) about his xenophilia and all, and this was also influenced by that one quote I mentioned a while ago, what was it... _The Victorian era of the nineteenth century, like no other period preceding it, became dominated by the belief that an individual's sex and sexuality form the most basic core of their identity, potentiality, social/political standing and freedom._

"DAX, there's something I got to tell you."

DAX looked up from the table where he'd been studying the reflections of light through its carefully carved service. ZEX's head tendrils were weaving back and forth jerkily, some lying flat against his skin. Pupil slightly dilated, his arm reaching forward and curling around DAX's a few times as if to make sure he was paying attention, or maybe that he was still there.

Who knew that the VUX's most promising military leader was also so easily inebriated?

DAX flicked his tongue out leisurely, threading it down the long, thin neck of his own glass as he tried to remember how many ZEX had ordered. Far too many, that much was apparent. Exactly how many could be useful information in the future, most likely in preventing this from happening again.

It wasn't as though ZEX was entirely unjustified in being in this state... he had a cause for celebration after all, being promoted to Commander so quickly, and he was eager to share the night with DAX and some other VUX flight-mates, all of whom had already vanished into the crowd, more interested in other VUX than in their new leader's promotion. DAX stayed with him because he thought that someone should, and he suspected that ZEX was... less inhibited than perhaps any normal VUX should have been, and someone should watch out for that.

Although, DAX had noticed that ZEX hadn't so much as gestured inappropriately at any VUX who walked by them of either gender, regardless of their attractiveness. Some of the elaborate gold jewelry he'd seen some wearing should have at least caught his attention somewhat.

But instead, ZEX was here at this table with DAX, slowly blurring his rational mind away and trying, in a roundabout way, to tell DAX something. He'd been trying without success for the last fifteen minutes, and DAX was beginning to wonder if there was anything to be told, or if ZEX just liked talking in this state. Some people were like that.

Thankfully, DAX knew his limits, and had a sense of responsibility regardless of the occasion. He'd have to tell ZEX to not repeat this incident in the future.

"DAX, are you listening?" ZEX's tongue was flicking back and forth as unpredictably as his head tendrils. "Are you listening to me?"

"Yes, I'm listening to you, sir." DAX sighed slightly and kept eye contact, hoping that this time whatever it was that ZEX wanted to say would just come out already.

"I've never told anyone this. Not as long as I've lived. No one. But I trust you, DAX. I trust you, and I didn't make a mistake doing that, did I?"

He squeezed DAX's arm, largely unnecessary, and DAX lowered and twisted the appropriate head tentacles. "No, sir, you can trust me."

"You've been very loyal to me, DAX." Another squeeze. DAX blinked assent. "For a long time now, isn't that right?"

"Yes, sir, for almost a year now." And in that span of time, DAX had certainly come the closest to ZEX, although that wasn't entirely his decision, and he didn't have much competition. It was really ZEX that kept him almost directly beneath him, and some of the others had made it clear to him that ZEX's motives may have been suspect. No one envied DAX's position, as far as he was aware, not that DAX much cared what they thought either way.

There was no safer place to be than near ZEX in times of danger. At least, when he was thinking clearly.

A young girl, quite possibly too young to be here, passed by their table, and DAX watched her go by. She was wearing a lovely shade of light blue...

"I trust you, DAX." ZEX squeezed his arm, refocusing DAX's attention. "That's why I want to tell you something."

"Then just say it, sir," DAX said and ZEX blinked at him slowly. He leaned forward, and his voice was soft and low.

"I think I like humans, DAX."

For a moment, all motion on DAX's body stopped, but he recovered quickly. He glanced around them, to see if anyone else had heard, and looked back to ZEX, who was staring at him with his head tentacles lowered, waiting.

"Not so loud, sir," DAX whispered, warning, and ZEX squeezed his arm again, urgency clear through his whole body.

"I _like_ humans, DAX." ZEX sounded distraught, almost pleading, and his grip was almost painful. "I do, I really, really do, I-...I think I _really_ like them."

"You're not thinking straight," DAX hissed, glancing around them and he twisted his arm around ZEX's in response, hoping that'd be enough of a hint for him to keep his voice down. "You're completely altered, you have no idea what you're saying."

"No, no, I know what I'm saying!" Still looking at DAX pleadingly, almost confused. "I know what I'm saying, and- and it all makes sense, DAX, I've been thinking about it and it explains so much, I want a _human_-"

"Sir, stop talking!" DAX yanked on ZEX's arm, pulling him from his seat and causing him to gasp and fall silent. DAX left more than enough to pay for the night on the table and made his way quickly to the exit, ZEX stumbling behind him and saying something too softly for him to hear.

Outside, the crowds thicker and a bit more obtrusive, and DAX kept his grip, although he found that ZEX was close behind him regardless, still trying to speak. Desperately searching for a place they could speak in relative privacy, and a break between two buildings looked like an adequate place for now.

ZEX was having difficulty walking straight, tail uselessly dragging behind him, and he leaned heavily on DAX for support. Some of his head tendrils even tried to twist with DAX's own, something that he solely blamed on how foolishly intoxicated the Commander had allowed himself to get.

This looked about as solitary as possible given the circumstances. DAX pulled ZEX off of him and looked him in the eye.

"Sir, do you know what you're saying? Do you know what they'll do to you, if they hear you saying something like that? Don't you remember what happened to ZIK?"

"I remember, _I remember_!" ZEX broke DAX's hold on him, frustrated and suddenly angry. "I _know_ what this means, DAX! You don't think I've thought about this? You don't think I've thought about this my whole life?"

"Keep your voice down!" DAX raised his arms in warning, and ZEX stood there, shaking and breathing hard. "We've risked enough as it is-"

"I've been thinking about this, DAX." ZEX lowered his voice further as DAX raised his arms again. "I've been thinking and thinking about this, about why I'm not like other VUX, why I don't think like them, why it's all not important to me. I don't notice them or see them, male or female there's nothing, and I know why." ZEX stared at DAX with a strange intensity, and then it faltered back into that strange pleading look. "I think I know why."

"What are you saying exactly, sir?" DAX kept his voice to a whisper, and hoped that ZEX would do the same.

"I-I like humans, DAX. The first time I saw one..." ZEX's head tendrils in a flurry of motion as he struggled for words. "It was like nothing I've ever- it was like something in me... that's the most I've ever... I just, I like humans, I-I _love_ humans-"

"Sir!" DAX pressed ZEX against a wall, an arm wrapped around his trunk to stop any further words. "Sir, this is suicide! They will _kill you_ for this!"

ZEX didn't struggle, instead staring at him with that pleading look again, and DAX realized why ZEX had been so careful to make sure that he could trust DAX, that he could talk to DAX when he couldn't talk to anyone else.

DAX let his grip loosen, and ZEX was quiet for a few moments.

"And you, what about you, DAX? Will you kill me for it?" ZEX asked, quietly and unnecessarily.

DAX stared at him for a few more moments, and he backed away with a sigh.

"No, sir, of course I won't." DAX looked around them again, then back to ZEX, who looked somewhat relieved. "I'd be doing our species a disservice, killing a military genius of your caliber."

"Stop it, DAX." ZEX sounded strangely hurt, which was definitely not what DAX intended, and his head tendrils lowered. "This isn't a joke."

"I was being serious, sir."

ZEX was quiet for a few moments, and his head tendrils began to slowly interweave, twisting together nervously. "I've been... I've always wondered, DAX, I've always thought that I was different. I know I am now, I know... I know I'm not like other VUX. I never told anyone..."

"Of course." That much was obvious.

"But you, DAX, I thought... well, you seemed... you don't hate them as much as everyone else does. I thought... do you think, do you think that's it? Do you think that I'm just..." ZEX tried to find a word that didn't exist, not in their language. "I'm just... human-oriented?"

DAX tried to get his mind around the concept, and it was admittedly difficult. Variations within the same species, that was more understandable, although bizarre, but to go completely outside one's own species... this was going into new and unexplored territory.

How fitting.

"I just... I'm not sure how else to explain it. I've tried, I've really tried to be like everyone else, look at other VUX the way you do, or PAK does, or... it doesn't work. I'm not like them, am I?"

DAX stared at ZEX for a long few seconds, who was afraid and unsure and baring more to DAX than any VUX could possibly bare to another. Self-identity was something that was so important to every VUX, and sexual preference was such a vital, key part of that...

"No, sir, you're not like them." DAX waited, watching ZEX's head tendrils droop before continuing. "It suits you."

ZEX stared at him, skeptical. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You've never been normal, sir. That's why you were promoted today, and probably will be promoted soon afterwards. You're gifted, I've told you that. I've trusted my life to that, and gifted people are rarely... normal."

ZEX stared at him, then leaned back against the wall of the building, head tentacles hanging near his eye, weak. "I wonder if there's something wrong with me..."

He was still far too intoxicated, after all, and while logical arguments were DAX's strong point, he had a feeling that was not what was required at the moment.

DAX moved forward, reaching out an arm and ZEX was quick to lean against him again, dizzy and stumbling. "Of course not, sir. I don't hate humans either, and there's nothing wrong with me."

"That's right." ZEX laughed, weakly. "They'd probably kill you too, if they knew."

ZEX's tendrils were again trying to intertwine with his own. DAX tried to ignore how it was making his face twitch. "So we tell no one, sir."

"I trust you, DAX," ZEX said, barely audible. "We won't tell anyone, but when we're more powerful than them, when I'm High Admiral, we can go and talk to the humans ourselves, and they can't stop us, and we can sort everything out... stop all the pointless fighting..."

"Yes, sir." Babbling, and it was about time that ZEX went to sleep. DAX wondered how easy it would be to get to a suitable place to do so at this time of night.

"Human-oriented... there must be some humans that are VUX-oriented... can't be the only one..."

"Yes, sir."

"Oh DAX..." ZEX's head tendrils were twisting painfully tight with his own, and it was getting a bit awkward because that generally was associated with another set of social behaviors that he and ZEX would never engage in. He sounded almost despondent. "This is all so unfair."

Everything, no doubt. His bizarre attraction to humans, their society that would kill anyone for even suggesting such a thing, keeping something so integral to himself a secret, the never-ending pressure from the VUX social machine that made deviating from the norm so hideously painful in so many ways...

DAX adjusted his grip on ZEX's body as he slipped against him for a moment, and the two stumbled together, still somewhat entangled. DAX looked at ZEX, who had his eye closed now, and he sighed slightly.

"I know, sir."


End file.
